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Back to December. I

I remember the nights we stayed up talking to 5 am about nothing. When you said you loved me, your face lighted up
 And you gave me the most beautiful smile. I remember all the words you said that made me happy like how you will always love me. That we will last forever. How you could see a life together. Your hugs gave me warmth and butterflies. The good kind for once. Your kisses were like my favourite taste and it’d never bore me, It made me feel like I was on drugs And the smell of you made me remember that you, you are just so lovely I remember the bus trips on the way home from school Where I spent the whole time thinking about you because you gave me a goodbye kiss 
And when id walk home. I’d get so excited to talk to you. You were always there for me and you made it your mission. You couldn’t stand not talking to me. And it made me wonder what I’d done to get someone like you. And then we started to drift apart. You’d take longer to reply. You’d prefer your friends over me, When you used to take me over anyone. You got sick of me being sad, feeling pathetic but I couldn’t help it because you were the only thing that made me happy at that time. I hated being at home, at school or anywhere. The only place I wanted to be was in your arms, wrapped up in your warmth. And When you told me you loved me it was only because I said it first. 
And in those last days I loved you the most because I knew it was coming . Your face wouldn’t light up and it was almost like you were lying to me . When you’d reply you never said anything that was easy to reply to. Almost like you were bored of me You stopped telling me how you felt, and when you left me you told me the exact words I was worried about the entire time we were together. And you said you couldn’t make me happy anymore, That id be better off without you . How can it be that I don’t have to smile on purpose when I’m with you. Thats the things you say made me fall in love even more. 
Maybe your love warn out because you said you loved me more and more everyday. And when you said that It was my call that we’d end I never expected you to pull the trigger. I didn’t want it to end. I’m sorry I want us to be friends. I really do. I know we’re never gonna happen. But I just can’t get over you. I’ve always held on to the little bit of hope that we’ll get back together sometime, now you just want to friends and I don’t know how to stop hoping for it and just move on. I’m really sorry. I wanted this so bad; more than anything. I wanted you more than anything. Just let me prove it.

violentwavesofemotion:

Ida (2013): "Suicide is just a moment. This is how she described it to me. For just a moment, it doesn’t matter that you’ve got people who love you and the sun is shining and there’s a movie coming out this weekend that you’ve been dying to see. It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever, and you kind of dare yourself. You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin, you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think, I could just do it. I could just do it. And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared - You think about how sad it would’ve been if you never got to see that movie, and you look at your dog and wonder who would’ve taken care of her if you had gone. And you go back to normal. But you keep it there in your mind. Even if you never take yourself up on it, it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose. You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your cheek, and the puckering memory it leaves behind, the rough pleasure of running your tongue over its strange terrain, is exactly the same. The day was hers to choose, and perhaps in that treetop moment when she looked down and saw the yard, the world, her life, spread out below her, perhaps she chose to plunge toward it headlong. Perhaps she saw before her a lifetime of walking on the ruined earth and chose instead a single moment in the air."

(via myspi2010)

trancine-filson:

chlorodream:

lady-of-redemption:

He did it. He actually managed to describe how it feels to live with depression and suicidal tendencies.

this is really, really important

the last four gifs are probably the most accurate way of describing my feelings towards my depression

(Source: cantcontrolthegay, via yeahokaybut)

"

One.
You see her for the first time and she’ll walk right past you like you are a crack in the wall and she is a skyscraper with her head so high in the air and when you can’t sleep you’ll think about the way her eyes strayed into yours for a moment too long before breaking away and disappearing into the crowd of people.

Two.
She’ll look both ways before telling you she loves you under her breath and when she hugs you her eyes scan the empty room as if the walls had eyes and ears and mouths that could give you away.

Three.
When she’s curled up on your lap shaking with mismatched breaths you’ll wonder how someone who looked like she carried mountains on her shoulders could crumble so easily in your arms like the tornado in her mind finally hit her and knocked her off her feet.

Four.
In half-light she’ll run her fingers over your arms like she is reading words carved into your skin, binding them together into the perfect metaphor and you’ll hear it playback in your head at 4am when your head runs wild with thoughts of her.

Five.
You’ll find a safe haven on rooftops and abandoned rooms where she’ll set fire to your insides with hushed breaths between kisses planted perfectly on your lips and make you wonder how dangerous it is to play with wild flames while your body is made of paper.

Six.
You’ll stare God right in the eye and tell him that if loving her was a sin then you want no place in heaven with him because the way her lips fit perfectly on your neck is a type of paradise you’ll never forget.

"

- The six stages of falling in love with her. // by rb  (via splitterherzen)

(via s0-yesterdayy)

"I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway."

- Meredith Grey (via de-ceiver)

(via disguised-in-your-sheets)

you dont wanna mess with me i cry easily

(Source: 420dongsquad, via sheer-escape)

"I’m still hoping it’s you and me in the end."

- 10-Word Story #26 (N.A.)

(Source: drizzlelullaby, via disguised-in-your-sheets)

"Everyone deserves to fight for their dreams. We are in this life to be happy, and what greater happiness is there than scoring a goal with Real Madrid? I scored a lot of goals and the ones I wasn’t able to have ingrained themselves in my brain, in my imagination, in my long sleepless nights.

To score a goal with the crest of Real Madrid on your chest is a wish that even women have. I know of some who would give everything to play for Madrid and score. “Alfredo, what do you feel when you score at the Bernabéu?”, they ask me with enthusiasm and envy and add “If I scored a goal with Madrid, I could die in peace."

- Alfredo Di Stéfano, Marca (02-11-12)

(Source: concretar, via criselo)